Omg!
    I am now the responsible owner of a TEENAGER!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!   Dear GRAY HAIRS - be GENTLE!  
LMAO....

       My oldest daughter is 13 today!
  We had a small pool party thing for her and I was shocked when she said she
didn't want certain friends over because they're 2 faced, and hang out with the
wrong crowds! I was proud and thought, "Good kid!"....at least that's one thing
I can say... she may be a Teenager now, but at least I still have control over
here. She never talks back - it's very rare... on occassion , don't get me wrong
  ...she might get a little mouthy, but I stop it real fast and when I get up,
she smiles and says, "Oh man, I better shut up!"... damn right! lmao.... and,
she doesn't disrespect me, she listens to what I say, and knows I find out
EVERYTHING! LMAO... she's learned this lesson the hard way!!!!  :)    She really
is a good kid thou and hey - hasn't been entered into the Juvenile Justice
system just yet like I was at her age... smh.  Not proud of it, but I am proud
that she knows right from wrong un-like me when I was younger, and I am proud
that she steers clear of trouble. 

   SO, this
is the story of my little Tiffie!!!  

    I
found out I was pregnant with Tiffanie a few months after her dad and I started
dating. Things moved quickly which I'm also not proud of but I had a rock on my
finger.. he proposed so .... the rest was history!  I thought I was in love at
the time. I was young and this guy was buying me all kinds of things, taking me
out like crazy and I enjoyed spending time with him back then. WAY BACK
THEN...Lmao... any way.... when I realized my Period was late (sorry for the
information fellas out there)... jaja... I decided to take a pregnancy test .. I
went to a little clinic by my parents house because I lived with them at the
time.. I was only 17.  Cisco (Tiff's dad and now dad to 2 of my others) had to
work so he told me to call him and let him know what they say. I agreed and when
the woman told me my pregnancy test was positive...I was scared. I didn't want
to go home... I knew my mother was going to FLIP...especially because I was the
maid of honor in her wedding.. (Her and my dad were getting re-married in church
for their 25th wedding Anniversary)... I had my dress picked and every-thing...
so, I knew my mother wasn't going to take the news very well, plus...she went to
College... she did all this great stuff with her life and was a straight A
student back then so I knew she had high hopes and expectations for me as
well.... I got home and called Cisco and told him he was going to be a father...
yes, just like that! LOL..he was quiet. I took it as a bad thing but heard his
boy at work ask him, "Why you smiling ?"... he told him he was going to be a
dad, and the dude congratulated him so I knew it'd be fine.

When my mother found out -   he and I were sitting in the car
talking. We had just come back from getting something to eat, and my mother
walked over to the car to say hello to him and ask me if I tried my dress for
the wedding on one last time. I looked at Cisco , then at my mother and told
her... "Um, I don't know if the dress is going to fit me by the time of your
wedding"... she asked why not and said the only reason it wouldn't fit is if I
was pregnant and gained weight. She laughed like it was a joke...I didn't...
when she saw how serious I was, she asked me if I was pregnant. I didn't
reply... she then said, "YOU'RE NOT PREGNANT ARE YOU?"... she caught on and
started swearing, yelling and walked away.  Cisco joked and said, "Well, that
went well!"... lmao... Even my dad was giving Cisco the dirtiest looks.


Long story short...they got over it and my mother was
excited to have a grand-child on the way. We found out it was a girl and while
coming up with names for her..my grandmother Shirley decided she wanted TIFFANIE
Amber like the girl from SAVED BY THE BELL... LOL... my grandma said she LOVED
that name and then said, "Well, you can name her whatever you want , but grandma
wants Tiffanie Amber... hint hint".. lmao... so, just for Grandma Shirley...my
first born was Tiffanie AMber...

I was soooo
sick with her and couldn't keep ANY food down at all... my moms mom, who I
called "Yia Yia", saw me puking my guts out a few mornings when I found out I
was pregnant , and she'd tell me even before I got the pregnancy test done that
I was pregnant. I told her I just had the stomach flu, and she kept giving me
the weirdest look and telling me, "No, I don't think so!"... LOL...


She was def. right!!

Labor
-  Tiffanie was due August 19th, 2000 and came right no her due date!! :) See,
even back then she listened! lmao... I went into the Labor and Delivery unit
around 10 AM that day because I had to see my Dr. for a normal check up and was
3 Cm. dialated.  They decided to have me walk around for a few hours to see if
my water broke or I'd dialate anymore ...when they checked..I was still the same
so the male nurse walked out of the room to get my release papers and I told
Cisco I was starving and wanted Mcdonalds when we left. He was fine with it, and
dang Tiffanie man - smh... my water broke and the child decided to give me hell!
LOL....
I told Cisco I think my water broke. He lifted the blanket, asked
how I knew...saw it and said, "WHOA!   I'll get the Dr"... the male nurse came
back in and told me  wasn't going any where now. I asked if Cisco could bring me
Mcdonalds... the nurse said he could bring it for himelf, but I wasn't allowed
to eat in labor or the baby may fall asleep and be too lazy to come out when
it's time to push.... makes sense!  I was so hungry tho so I was also very much
crabby! 

Cisco called his family who ALL came to hold the baby as soon
as she was born. LOL... his dad brought him Mcdonalds that smartass told me he
was going to go eat in the corner so I didn't SEE him... I told him, "I COULD
STILL SMELL IT!!!"....ugh...lol.
I went into labor on the 18th,
and at 2:07 AM - August 19th.. right on her due date... Tiffanie came along!  :)

She has grown so fast into such a beautiful young woman and I'm
proud to have her!  She's a great student in school, made the list of kids who
NEVER get in trouble... has been in her schools band playing flute for 2 years
and even tho she no longer does that, I was amazed at how fast she's learned
it... she has come out of her shy shell sooo much over the last few years, and
is also on her schools VARSITY BASKETBALL GIRLS ALL STAR team where her team
mates know her as "LADY JORDAN" because she's THAT GOOD! :) She makes me proud !
  She's goofy, fun to be with, and we always have a ball when we're together... I
joke and tell her I can't hang out with her anymore because she's a bad
influence on me.. she laughs and tells me, "ME? YOU'RE THE ONE WHO DID THIS OR
THAT"...lmao... it's easy to make my Tiffie laugh..she tries not to laugh at my
jokes but doesn't succeed! LOL... even when she thinks my jokes are stupid, she
still giggles a bit.
She's looking forward to graduation next year,
and I'm looking forward to planning it for her.
I've had tons
of good and funny memories with Tiffanie - some that I've listed in previous
writings below some where.... and it's funny because she has tried to be slick
many times as teenagers will - and I've stopped her and been one step ahead of
her the entire time.. I think my time spent as an out of control teenager has
given me the "know how" to know how to deal with one and to catch her in things
she does BEFORE she does them! LOL she can THINK about doing them in her mind,
but they'll never happen because she tells everyone, "My mom finds out
everything" and she's right...I've also put fear in her by telling her she never
knows who I paid to be my eyes on the streets so to be careful what she does!
LMAO... she asked if I was serious so I think she really does think I got "eyes
in the skies" ha ha...

Any way,
  

Happy BIRTHDAY to my 13 year old , Tiffanie!!!  Mom loves you dearly and I'm so
happy I have you in my life!!!!!  As you get older.. i'll always remember all
the fun times we've had together, all the things you've done to boil my blood
and aggravate the hell out of me, LMAO.. that make us laugh now, all the times
you tried to be slick that I've caught you before-hand , and all the fun places
we've been together... all the fun things we've done together..all the things
I've done to embarass you and make you laugh...I'm a mom, you don't have to
thank me, it's my job! LMAO.... seriously tho...I love you kid!  

And, tomrrow is my Lani's birthday. She'll be 5......:)  They grow so fast....
Lani, she's my UH OH baby!  LMAO.. kidding kidding... but she wasn't planned...
however, I do NOT believe in Abortion so she's very much here and loved...

I had a small easy pregnancy with Lani. She was tiny so I didn't even
look much pregnant when I was...
I wasn't sick during it or any-thing. She
developed properly and all. The only time I had problems was when I found out I
had Preeclamsia. Normal thing pregnant women get that goes away after the baby
is born... too much protien or something to that affect during pregnancy ... it
can be dangerous to both mom and baby if not monitored carefully, so it sent me
upstairs to Labor and Delivery for some over night stays a few times... my blood
pressure was high and caused concerned... my Dr. was great. The last time I was
in the hospital, I was there for a few hours before my Dr. came in to check, and
Lani was facing downwards so he decided to induce labor because of the danger of
the Preeclamsia....when they were about to do it, she flipped and was breech...
smh. Kids! GOTTA LOVE THEIR LAST MINUTE DRAMAS!  Lmao....
He said we had to
do emergency C- section...and when I asked if it was nessassary and wanted to
wait ... he said he was NOT going to let this baby lose her mother, or the
mother lose her baby!  ...that's when I realized how serious it was...

he asked if I had eaten anything that day, and I told him a
HONEY BUN. I had to giggle when he asked me , "what the heck is a honey bun?"...
even his nurses couldn't believe his question. lmao.. I told him and his reply
was, "HMMM...Sounds good. I'm going to have to try one of those one day!"...
crazy right?! LOL who hasn't had a honey bun???!!!


Any way.... we had to wait 8 hours because I
had eaten something , and when they finally took me in for the C-section, I was
given numbing medication and couldn't even keep my eyes open for some reason...
I didn't feel a thing thankfully...all I heard was the Dr. tell the nurse,
"that's it..do it gently... just pull her out like a rabbit from a hat!"..
lmao.. wtf? now we were doing magic?!  LOL.. but yes! She caused me trouble
even before she was born and she's my little trouble - maker now! LOL.

She's a good kid too ... going into Kindergarten, LOVES bike
riding, being outdoors, playing with the dog we have, and always smiling and
happy... USUALLY!  She does have a big temper that I say comes from her dads
side ! Lmao...
I've been blessed with 3 amazing kids, and Lani
is my youngest... so,

Happy Birthday to my little Lani bug as well.. who keeps me on my toes.. and
doesn't let me sit for 5 minutes! Who knows how to work a DVD/VCR better than I
do..video games and all, and who keeps me smiling and loving life... who wipes
my tears when I cry like I wipe hers when she cries, and is just so cuddly, and
loveable... and keeps me happy. Happy birthday little midget. :)



          5 AND 13 - both big
milestones for my babies!  Mommy loves you both soooo much! 





Peace and Love,
Shel.

is what I hope to be a part of soon! 

  Now, I'm going to
say that I highly doubt I'll get in or it will happen, but I've always been
interested in becoming a Cop and think the work would be completely fun, totally
new from night to night... and the situations would always be different and
wild. I know both good and bad comes with it, and I'm ready.... I just submitted
my application online to the Chicago Police Department ... and , we'll see what
happens! 
I'm looking forward to being behind the wheel of a
Police car and hopefully, working my way up in the department to one day work
Gang Tactical. I've ALWAYS dreamed of being a Gang tact. officer.... I looked up
to them when I was younger and I know it takes years of dedicated and hard work,
but I believe in myself and the fact that my passion for this will take me
through the written test if I get called, the physical exam (although, I'm not
so sure about jumping a wall)..LMAO... and the training. No, I don't want to
doubt I'll get in like I said above, but I have to be realistic and know that
MANY MANY MANY people apply and not ALL get in.... so, I think I'll be one of
those few who don't... I have hopes thou!  I'll keep ya'll posted!  I know the
application process closes this month I believe, so - I did it just in time. I
just need to submitted my waiver form for the application fee.  I had to laugh
because one of my close friends said how dangerous the job is. I told him I know
and he asked what if I get shot... I told him , "Then, I'll die doing something
I loved"... he called me crazy and told me I better come see him before the
first day on the job! LMAO...
I say this... if you can't beat
em...join em.. lmao.. about time I end up on the right side of the law, huh?!
jaja....


    Besides that, my
oldest is upset with me tonight.....

         

                                                    LOL

             I won't let her get her tongue or lip pieced!  Some of her friends have their
tongues and lips pierced because those parents took them to get it and gave
their permissions!  I WILL NOT!!!  I'm not cracking on this and this is
something I feel strongly about. I told her she should NOT have any holes in her
body except the ones she's born with.  She got angry and told me she's getting
it any way , and will forge mine or her dads signature at the mall. I laughed
and told her she needs our ID's and they need to see the parents with her.  She
said she'll find a way and that she knows a place to get one done where she
doesn't need the parents.  I told her, "That's fine.... you'll get me money
after I sue the crap out of that store!".... she keeps insisting she's getting
one with or without me. I laugh and tell her, "Do it...you'll be sorry!".... I
also showed her pictures of PIERCINGS GONE BAD.... and after seeing the
swelling, the infections, the nasty - disgusting pictures - she still wants one!
  smh.....I keep refusing... I told her if she wants her Cartilage pierced...
that's fine, but nose, lip, chin, tongue - and anything else for that
matter...NOT HAPPENING!!!!!!!   Not under my supervision!   Thankfully, her dad
also agreed that she is NOT to get a piercing and said he would take her to get
her ears pierced and nothing more.
My brother and I have a friend we grew up
with named Jay.   Jay has known my kids since they were babies so they call him
, "Uncle Jay", or he considers himself their Uncle. His wife Daniela heard
Tiffanie wanted the piecings and told Tiffanie, "Go ask Uncle Jay to show his
piercing scars and what it did to him!"... that still don't phase her and she
SSSTTTIIILLLL wants one.  TOUGH SHIT!!!  She's going to have to wait until she's
18...or 16...or when ever they do them legally without parental consent, because
while I have the consent she needs - she's not getting it from me!  She told me
she wasn't talking to me any more until I agree. I told her that's fine with me.
She said her friends parents let them do it...I told her I'm not her friends
parents. So, if she wants to stay mad at me...it doesn't bother me! :) I still
say, HELL NO!!!  Her not talking to me because I won't get it for her???? For
some reason she thinks I give a damn! LMFAO.... If it means my daughter grows up
classy, and looking respectable... so be it!  She doesn't have to talk to me.
LOL...she even went as far as telling me her Tita (her dads sister) has it and
nothing happened to her. I told her , "Tita is also 36.. you're 13! Na na na na
na na NOOOOO!"... lol..



Um...what else ?? Oh.... I
went to court today to get the stupid paper Ex hubby and I need to do our
co-parenting 4 hour one day class that teaches us how to get along for the kids
and yadda yadda yadda....
I was told that since it was the
clerks mistake and she didn't give us the paper when we did the
custody/visitation crap .... I could get a copy free if I talked to the
supervisor...BULLSHIT...they charged me $15 and I didn't have it on me so I
couldn't get the paper. I was pissed for going down there wasnting my time but
ah well.... another day I have to go down there and settle shit... I swear, more
problems than they're worth.


Peace
and Love as always,
Shel.

We had a small birthday party for my daughters ... it was anything big because I let people know at the last minute and didn't send out invitations like I was suppose to because I've been so crazy busy... but, it was nice. Family, a few friends and their kids... and besides a big fight my brother started when he got drunk and talkative at the end of the night... the party was nice.
My youngest daughter has wanted the light - up pillow you see in the photo with her above... she kept seeing it on t.v. and kept asking, "Will you buy that for me?"... and I'd always tell her YES... so when I saw it at the store, you know I had to get it... (Batteries not included parents, take that note) because I spent an hour looking for working batteries around the house after she opened it! LMAO... I didn't even think about batteries at the time but I should know by now that 90% of Kids' toys now are operated by such... smh. LOL... we found the batteries, the pillow lights up different colors and is totally cute and she loves it and walks around with it every-where now.    :)

The oldest got a cell phone. Yes!  I finally got her one... mainly because now it's easier to keep track of her ..but ssssshhhhhh... don't tell her that. LMAO... and she loves her phone as well... facebook all day... it's crazy!  I've told her if she doesn't answer my calls or texts, it gets taken away so she's doing pretty good with it right now.

        

So, we had a nice little time... and all is well.. :)

Shel.

Totally!!!

  It's been a while since I last
updated and I want to start by sharing a few funny moments I've had with my kids
this week. I have been thru hell the last few months and my kids can always make
me laugh and put a smile on my face, so they are def. a big blessing to me.


      My little Lani and I were walking past a car wash
this past weekend, and she asked if we were going "In there", I told her
..."Lani, what car would I go in there with? I don't have a car right now"...
and I was kind of upset because when I did have my car, I always took the kids
to the car wash because they enjoyed going in with the car and seeing how the
car gets washed... all the big brushes and such... and I felt bad that I KNEW
she wanted to do that again, and I couldn't take her "in there"..... when I
asked that question, she started shaking her hips like crazy - like a true
LATINA...lmao... and told me, "We can go in there like this and wash
our-selves!".... she had me cracking up... pretty much saying we can dance thru
it. 

    And, then  -  Tiffanie and Lani's
birthdays are coming up.  Tiffanie will be 13 (AAARRGGGGHHHH) LOL - on the 19th,
and Lani will be 5 (AAAWWEEE)...lmao.. on the 20th. Don't ask me how I got their
birthdays one day apart. I'm just that damn good! ha ha... seriously tho... So,
I was going to the bakery to order their cakes because the party is going to be
on Sunday... and , I asked Tiffanie to come with me to pick what design she
wanted on hers. She's going to be a teenager and no longer enjoys sharing a cake
with her sister... if she ever enjoyed it at all!  I got Lani a small ELMO cake,
but since Tiffanie was more interested in staying with her friends and hanging
out (because she doesn't "play" anymore)...LOL... She told me to just order her
a MINION cake. My first thought was , "WHAT THE HELL IS A MINION?"...lmao.  She
laughed and told me she would send me a picture, and she did.  I deleted the
picture she sent me after I ordered the cake, so just for the
record......

    

THIS cute little dude and many others like him...ARE MINIONS! Lmao... from the
movie , "Despicable Me 2".  The one she sent me thou, had a Puerto Rican T shirt
on , and he was holding the Puerto Rican flag up in his hand (My kids are Puerto
Rican by the way from their dads side).  She said she wanted THAT one... so,
when I went to the bakery, I asked the guy if he could draw it. I showed him the
picture and decided to SURPRISE Tiffanie.. and instead of the Puerto Rican flag
in his hand, I would order it with a BASKETBALL in his hand but keep the Puerto
Rican T shirt... I didn't know if she would like it or not, but she LOVES
BASKETBALL, plays VARSITY ALL STARS at her school, and is amazing at it...
that's her talent!  So, I got creative with her cake and threw that in. LOL.
Tiffanie LOVED LOVED LOVED the idea. I was going to surprise her at the party,
but if she didn't like it, I didn't want her to say anything in front of her
friends, so I decided to take the punch over the phone. lmao... I called her and
told her what I did instead of the flag in his hand, and she was TOO EXCITED! 
All I heard was, "YYYYEEEAAAAAHHHHH"...and she was happy about it. It made me
smile that I made her happy. : )  It's hard to make Tiffanie happy... !  She's
in her little phases right now so if you've made her happy... you've
accomplished something, and that's how I felt that day! LMAO...



     My Frankie - he had me
cracking up today because I have to go for testing due to bad swelling in my
left leg and chest pain near my heart. I'll be getting checked for any
abnormalties or blood clots... So, I've been put on a NO SOLID FOODS order after
10 AM. Believe me when I say I made the most of food until 10.. LOL.. I had MAC
AND CHEESE, A BAGEL, a ho-ho, and 2 cups of juice... I can't eat for 4 hours
before the test. I made sure to fill my stomach this morning. Any way, I wanted
coffee sssooo bad! I love me some coffee.. so , I called the hospital to make
sure it was okay, and wouldn't affect the results of the test. I was transfered
to 10 different people / departments before the final one told me , "Yes, that's
fine!"... Good lord. When I got off the phone, I screamed out, "MY GOD..ALL I
WANTED WAS SOME COFFEE... ALL THAT TROUBLE.. TRANSFER ME TO THE STARBUCKS
DEPARTMENT... HOW ABOUT THAT?! "... LMAO...when I said that...Frankie started
cracking up!  It made me feel good to make him laugh!   :) He's with me today
because he'll be at my moms playing on the computer while I'm at my appointments
for the tests.


        Any
way, I just thought I'd share the reason for my smiles through my trials! 


    Now, let me tell ya what's been going on
since I last wrote.

     I will FINALLY have
my license back this weekend!  WWWOOO HOOOOO.... Those who don't know...I have
this bullshit where I have to be checked every 6 months and my DR. has to make
sure it's okay for me to drive due to passing out... and such. SO, I have
medication I take to stop it and I get the levels checked so they know I'm
taking it right. My levels last time were 38 and I took these stupid pills
constantly for 3 weeks...I called my Dr. upset and worried they weren't working
, and wanting to drive again sssoooo bad. My license is canceled right now
because of this bull... !   Well, she told me to wait another week. I had doubts
but when I went last week to get another check... they called me back and said
my levels were 95!   Normal levels to drive again range between 50-100...so, my
Dr. said she wanted them to be like a few months ago - which was 75.. or higher.
And, being higher now.. she signed my paper to drive and I'll pick that up
today!  :)  YAY-NESS! lmao... now, to go to the DMV and RE-NEW my EXPIRED
license... and pay my tickets to get a car, and I'll be set.


I also had an interview at this cafe I went to last week...
smh.  All I can say is
this....
  
    
     

Is EXACTLY what I felt like telling the owner of the cafe. She interviewed me.
The cafe just opened in December, when I applied. Hasn't been there long..so I
was surprised to hear from them barely in July. When I called the woman back,
she asked me to come in THAT SAME DAY, and I told her , "I can tomorrow", but
then I thought , "I REALLY need more money and this job", and so - I went in the
same day we talked. She seemed nice over the phone and all - and even in person,
but her IQ - idk about that one. LMAO... it aggravated me because she asked me
to come in at 4. I was fine with that and got there 5 minutes early.  She had
customers and she said 2 of her waitresses called off, so she had me waiting
almost 30 minutes while she took care of customers, made beverages for phone
orders picking up, and talked to the cook. She had NO WAITRESSES in there when I
went in, so wouldn't you NEED a waitress or MORE as back up just incase yours
call in like they did that day?

The job was for
cashier/waitressing... I can do that with my eyes closed... no experience but
how hard is it? Taking orders... answering phones and cashiering? I've done the
last 2 before so I'd be a fast learner. So, when she finally does interview me,
she asks about me, and why I want to work there. I explain it's close to him,
and I think it would be exciting and fun to work with different people all day
and be on my feet always contantly moving around. She then asks the million
dollar question... "DO YOU SPEAK SPANISH?"... around my area, it's 95% spanish
speaking , so I understand that, but I don't feel jobs should NOT hire people
because of that, and that's one petition I'd love to start and win!  One thing
I'd LOVE to change about the world... I love spanish and think it's a beautiful
language and the culture is beautiful... but, do I Speak it? NO... do I think I
shouldn't get a job because I don't speak it? NO... I feel like that's why she
didn't hire me, and I feel like it's a form of descrimination because I know how
to do a lot of the jobs who won't hire me because I need to speak spanish/ Be
bi-lingual...it pisses me off.
Any way, I told her I speak
ENOUGH to get by... I know how to ask someone to hold on a minute while calling
someone who does speak spanish or can translate, and I know certain words in
spanish and can easily take an order in it.
She tells me she
was kind of hoping for a spanish speaker... but it's not a problem. (SO SHE
SAYS!)...she then asks if I have experience...


Now here's where I felt like telling her the
ABOVE... about time wasting... she OBVIOUSLY read my resume because she called
me and told me she did... and she liked it. That's why she wanted to meet me. On
my resume, I have Routing , Nursing home, and Glass claims as my last 3 jobs...
NO WHERE DOES IT FRIGGIN' SAY WAITRESSING OR CASHIERING.... I don't have
experience waitressing, and my cashiering was a while back.... although I think
I put that as a "skill" on my resume.. don't remember...
So, she then tells
me , "oh, I didn't see you didn't have experience on your resume doing
waitressing. I don't know how I over-looked that, and I did read your resume". 
After she asked if I could speak spanish, I felt like asking her if she could
READ ENGLISH!  LOL... I don't know what nationality she was, but she spoke
spanish and I only know that because she started talking to me in spanish to see
if I could hold a conversation.

So, after all
that - I just felt like she wasted an hour of my life I'll never get back, and
really wanted to ask her for a free latte or something after wasting my time,
knowing damn well she read my resume and it said nothing about waitressing but
she wants to call me any way... and I really do think it was because I didn't
speak spanish. She told me she just opened the cafe with her husband and they
know NOTHING about the business so she wants waitresses to teach HER and him
about it..and run it when she's not there. WHATEVER!  I didn't even say goodbye.
I got up, told her "Okay", and walked out. And, my job hunt continues because at
this point, I'll take whatever I can get to make money.


In other news, I went to my Dr. last week as
well. I was in the hopsital twice. Once for swelling in my ankle and leg. And,
once for bad chest pain and I wasn't able to breath. My heart rate was high and
kept going up when I got to the hospital and I was taken in the back fast to be
treated. When I saw my family Dr. - he put me on nerve pills (LORD KNOWS I NEED
THEM)...lmao... and called it "ANXIETY" for now... but wants to check my  heart
and leg to make sure there's no blood clots going on..and those are the tests
I'll be having today... both.

My kids will
also be going back to school the 26th and the time is fast approaching. I was
hoping to have a new apartment for the girls and I before then - since my son is
staying with his dad.. and , it isn't happening.. I feel stressed, and
disappointed right now, but what can I do except keep my head up and keep
trying... I brought Lani a book bag and was going to get their school supplies,
but without me knowing, their grandma and aunt got their school supplies and got
my 2 oldest their book bags. I was upset at first because they didn't ask if I
was going to, but I do know they did it out of the kindness of their hearts,
just to be a help - and I can't be mad at that. I just wanted to do it as their
mom, but as moms - I guess we gotta accept any help we can get - ESPECIALLY if
we don't ask for it and people just do it... that's the best kind of help,
right?!  Ex-hubby told me that he didn't know they were going to do that, but
they wanted to help...so , can't say much about it. At least I got to get Lani
her book bag. I still can't believe oldest will be graduating next year, and
youngest as well from Kindergarten. My babies are growing up sooo fast! 


Another thing I did this week was call my old
job to see if I can go back to it. Haven't heard from the manager yet, so I'm
guessing that's a NO... Big and fat!? But, I have hope and like to think maybe
he's busy, hasn't heart it yet, or is on vacation?!  We'll see....


I also did what I've been saying I was going
to do for a while now. I finally went into my big ass stash of bills from YEARS
AND YEARS ago.. medical, credit card, phones, whatever... I took that big ass
pile of bills, seperated mine from ex-hubby's...gave him his.. and I put mine in
a neat pile to deal with ASAP... I need to get my credit back and better than
ever... these are NOT recent bills.. NOT bills from now.. but they are bills
that I've ignored for a long time when I was young and stupid/carefree... I'm no
where like that now and need to be responsible because they're not going to go
away and I don't have a personal genie!  I do plan on starting with the MEDICAL
BILLS first because I KNOW some of those I've gotten... I had insurance at the
time and either they didn't have my insurance on file, or couldn't find it, or I
didn't have it with me at the time, but if they can go back and bill my
insurance for some of those..or I can get some kind of assistance with the
hospitals that some came from.. it would be great. It would knock them out right
away, and then I can deal with credit card bullshit. Now, the credit cards are
NOT really mine. I had ONE credit card in my name from when I was like 19... but
it still haunts my credit. Damn CREDIT SPOOKS! lmao... ghosts and
all...
The other credit cards have been EX-HUBBY'S that applied
for, got and gave me an extra card. Sears - HE BLEW ALL THAT MONEY ON HIMSELF
... shirts, pants, colongs... etc. $900 - GONE.... him... !   I spent maybe $100
of that on myself...
Marshall fields... long long time ago...
I'll take partial blame on that one because we both used that for Christmas
shopping one year.
Visa... we had a $500 credit limit and he
spent $300 on this stupid gas car... I guess it's a man thing... LOL.. a remote
control gas car at that. THAT HE USED FOR A FEW WEEKS and sold. smh...
And,
because he decided instead of emergencies, he was going to use it on the gas car
I told him not to buy, I took Tiffanie in her stroller when she was a baby, and
went to Kmart to MAX OUT the rest of the card on me and her... STUPID. VERY
STUPID. VERY VERY STUPID... but as I said, I was young. we were young...and we
didn't think. And, now....we're dealing with the consequences.

IF I was drinking something or eating the other day when I
opened my credit score... I would have choked and died. It's not even funny... I
don't know how the hell it got like that, but I do know I need to get myself of
his JOINT credit cards, deal with my medical bills and my credit card... and
then... because I'm a nice person... see if I can help him knock out some of his
bills.
And, I'm doing that out of the kindness of my heart
because even though we're divorced... he should be dept free and get his credit
back as well. I'm not a bitch like he thinks...
I'm just glad I
took the first step getting all our bills together, separating them into two
piles (mine and his)... and I'm ready to tackle them.
The funny
thing is... I had a bunch of bills piled into 2 bags I went through... through
away the double or triple bills they keep sending... and ended up with a "not so
big" pile because some were repeats! 
THANK
GOD....
Then - I went on top of the fridge in the kitchen, where
I knew there was another pile.. knocked those out... and thought there was a few
more in the laundry room... that few more in the laundry room, turned out to be
another big pile... which also got knocked dow to a "few" any way because
REPEATS again... so, the pile of bills isn't TOO BAD... but, they do HURT MY
CREDIT BAD... and I need to fix that - especially if I plan to get a car from a
dealer any time soon.
I'm making moves to getting my life back
!!!  ON MY OWN....
Divorce is a brutal thing especailly if you have joint
accounts and bills.  I might just take on a small job some where on the side to
have "bills money" and see if I can work out a deal with some of them. I'm not
going to wait for some of them to offer me a "settlement", I'm going to see how
much I owe... call them, and say... "Hey, I have this much... will you take it
to settle... "... I owe $500...I'll send $350...take it or leave it".... lmao..
.I run this....
No seriously... some may say, "NO, WE NEED THIS
OR THAT"... and that's when I say... "well, then.... I'll send you this and you
work with me on that!"... LOL..I should have been a lawyer...I can argue my way
out of many things. LMAO...
I'm a tough little brat! 

Look forward to the post where I say either I'M DEPT FREE
finally.. or , THE LAST BILL HAS BEEN PAID!  Next credit report I wanna see
better say CONGRATULATIONS... you're credit score is......... a better number
than the past!  (bbbwwaahahahaha) !



     Now - one good thing
that did happen THIS week that I'm very thankful for and consider it a blessing
and GOOD KARMA for my actions... is one of my closest , dearest, friends from
high school e-mailing me. We had got into a big fall-out argument a few years
ago.. about 3 years probably and haven't talked since. She blocked me from
Facebook, wouldn't talk to me, told me not to contact her at all..and I haven't.
  Don't get me wrong...I LOVE and ADORE my family and friends no matter what
happens. I cherish them dearly and remain loyal to them even if we don't talk,
even if argue - etc. etc. etc.  I always say you never know when tomorrow might
be your last day or theirs so I try not to "not talk to" anyone I love... I
never went to feel like, "I never got to say I'm sorry - or good-bye"... and I
try to tell people the same. Life is too short for bullshit and drama and "not
talking to each other"... so, when her and I fought that day and she said she
never wanted to speak to me again... It bothered me but I didn't bother her for
the last 3 years.   Hearing from her yesterday was really nice and put a smile
on my face.  She wrote a long email saying she's been thinking about me, and how
she can't let a good friend go like that... and a bunch of other stuff..she said
we've had more good times than bad, which I totally agree with, and it was just
a really sincere and nice e-mail. Much appreciated and very much welcomed!  She
thought I wouldn't reply to her and told me if I didn't, she understood and to
take care - OF COURSE I REPLIED.
That's my "in ghetto words"...
ROAD DAWG. MY HOMIE. Lmao...
I met Sami (her name)... in high
school when I was walking through the cafeteria talking crap to people for fun.
Most people just laughed about it... Sami got crazy back and talked crap back to
me which made her a lot of fun to joke with. I loved that about her, and ever
since...that's what we do when we see each other! That's how we show our love
for each other. lmao...
Sami and I are very much close and a
little argument 3 years ago can't keep us away from each other.

She's been there for me plenty of times when I needed her. I've
been there for her the same. We've had our joking moments, we've had our serious
talks, personal talks, and such... and our friendship is deep.
My ex-husband
told me he saw her last year and she asked about me and the kids... she said she
was going to e-mail me but never did. I was waiting for it last year and nothing
and I was disappointed. She told me yesterday she wanted to, but didn't know if
she should or if I'd talk to her or not after what happened.

And, I won't lie... there was a few times I checked her
facebook page to see if she was happy, hurting, doing good... whatever... and I
was happy to know that she was doing well - even tho she lost her dogs that she
much loved. I wanted to hit her up and be there for her because I know the
feeling of losing a pet (and yes, It does mean just as much as losing a loved
one)... but, I didn't know if she would talk to me either.


Here's the thing... if you've read my previous
posts... you know that my best friend of 24 years and I had a small issue
recently and we stopped talking ... I value my friendships and don't just "let
them go", just like that... so I keep trying to make things right if I can...
and with Trish - ... I did that. We talked, and we're fine now. I would NOT just
let her walk out of my life without trying to find out why, or trying to save
the friendship.. and although I never expected Sami to email me yesterday, I
feel like her doing so - was my GOOD KARMA for not letting Trish walk out of my
life that easy, and ending the arguing between us as well... what goes around
REALLY DOES come back around. I saved mine and Trish's friendship..and Sami
saved mine and hers. :)  2 friendships I never wish to have end again.... I
think now that we're older and more mature... we're all realizing a lot of the
things we argue about are so stupid at times.
Hell, I regret
losing one of my coolest family members over ex-hubby and something he told me
years ago. 
When I argue with someone and we're not on speaking terms... It
doesn't sit well with me and I'm not okay with it.

I'm just
happy Sami did E-mail me yesterday and end the 3 year no speaking between us.



    Hmm... besides that...


   My parents are not doing well... it scares
the hell out of me. My mother is never feeling well.. she's weak, she's tired...
could have something going on with her Kidneys and such... Diabetes is getting
worse...
My dad... is losing his hair. Has a big patch missing.
He LOVES his hair and is always worried about it so for him to lose it... I
can't imagine how he feels ! 
He looks so old and tired, and
drained. Bags around his eyes and all.
I've had issues with my
parents when I was younger but all is forgiven - maybe not forgotten - but
forgiven..and of course, no child - no matter what they've been thru, wants to
see their parents like this.
Another thing on my mind...



My girls as I said - have
their birthday party Sunday so I'm trying to get everything together for that as
well.
I forgot my daughters facebook password since I changed
it a few weeks ago because she got GROUNDED from it... but, I'll be trying to
figure that out and invite her friends as well. Thankfully.. my brother is going
to help me out by picking some of them up. I had to laugh when I told him a few
BOYS might be coming. He's protective of his niece/God daughter... so when I
told him, he says, "Wait, you want me to pick up BOYS for my Niece and expect
them to make it to the party SAFELY?"... lmao... had me cracking up. It reminded
me of the movie BAD BOYS when WILL SMITH opens the door and sees his nieces
boyfriend and questions him like crazy.  I think as she gets older, my brothers
watchful-ness is going to get even more hectic. Poor kid! lmao...


     Not sure if I forgot anything or left
anything out but I believe I got everything that's been going on.


       Now, I want you all to put your hands
together while I look for a new job, new apartment, while the kids go back to
school, while my parents are dealing with their issues, and I'm dealing with my
health issues, and everything else I have going on, bills and all - and PRAY TO
GOD I KEEP MY SANITY!  LOL...

     Peace and
Love until the next time I get to
write...

"Shel". 

   My best friend since 2nd grade (Trish) and I got into a big argument... along with Trish and our friend Melissa arguing as well. Long story , nobody needs to know it... or what went on... but , Melissa and I felt like Trish was wrong for a few things she said and did, Trish felt we were wrong for what we didn't do in the friendship... and it just got out of control so Trish decided to stop talking to both of us.  Melissa is the type who will not go chasing someone who walks out of her life. She feels like she's too old to be chasing people and if people want to walk out of her life..she lets them go.  I'm like that in some ways .... but when it comes to life long - long time friends... I can't be.  So, I wasn't okay that Trish and I weren't talking, and I wasn't okay that after being friends for 24 years... best friends at that - it had come down to us agreeing to NEVER talk again... and that we have nothing in common anymore...(except our love for the t.v. show F.R.I.E.N.D.S) as Trish mentioned... and we should just go our separate ways. We ended the friendship, and for about a month, didn't have any communication at all.  I tried texting her. I tried e-mailing her. I got nothing in return.  Trish and I have had many many argument in the past... but , we've always ended up talking again...but to think that this time might really have been the last time... it bothered me.  I don't just let friends go like that and not try to work it out. I decided to eventually give up, and accept the fact that the friendship was over.  We had both threw mistakes we made over the years in the friendship in each others faces and there was nothing left to say to each other.


However, a few nights later... after accepting it... I was watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S. and it was an episode where Joey was waiting for an important call for an audition to a commercial he really wanted to do, and Chandler was so busy thinking about other things, doing other things...that when the call came in, and he was suppose to write down the audition time and date/place .... Monica came in and he totally forgot.  When Joey came home and found out someone else got the job and that they did call but Chandler didn't write it down or tell him, Joey was extremely upset, told Chandler he knew how important this was to him, and blamed him for losing the audition. Chandler said it was a mistake, and Joey told him he makes a lot of those mistakes in their friendship.  He then started telling Chandler all the mistakes he had made through-out them being friends.... they did flashbacks to all these mistakes Chandler had made to hurt or piss off Joey... and when Joey was done.. Chandler had told him, "Oh, it's not like you've never made any mistakes"... Joey told him, "Name one"... Chandler went on, and on, and on... about memories and mistakes that Joey had made  - that hurt or pissed off Chandler in the past.  When he was done, I laughed when Joey gave him this weird look and told him, "I said ONE!"...... LOL.   That episode was bitter / sweet to me because it reminded me of all the mistakes Trish and I had thrown in each other's faces and it should have never went down like that.  And... in the episode of Friends that I saw that day... after they went their separate ways, Joey and Chandler both started having flashbacks and memories to all the funny, crazy, and good times they've had together  as well.... and they both realized they missed each other and the friendship...and they weren't okay "not talking".  I thought of all the good, crazy, and funny times and memories Trish and I have had over the years.... and here's some just to name a few..... 


How we met in 2nd grade when she transfered to our school and was put in
our classroom, and this kid Joey , who annoyed the hell out of everyone, made
fun of her, and I stood up for her so he made fun of me for standing up for her
... her and I became best friends and hung out daily after that. My family got
to know her, and her family got to know me.



The time we went to this kid Russel's
house and hung out with him and this kid Freddy and came home past curfew... her
dad and my mom were on the corner waiting for us and started screaming their
heads off.... WHERE WERE YOU GUYS? DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?  and, what was
even funnier, was that we both said, "watch your mom and my dad, your dad and my
mom - be on the corner waiting for us!".. .and there they were. LMAO...



Or, the time we and our
brothers went up on the train tracks to put pennies on them and flatten em...
and a cop pulled up , saw Trish and I and made us get down. He lectured the hell
out of us, how we could be badly hurt or killed by a train, and asked if anyone
else was up there. We said NO, and he asked, "well then, whose feet are
those?".... and he caught our brothers up there as well, told them to come down,
and said if he passed again and saw us back up there, he was taking us in for
Tresspassing. lol...


And, I can't
forget the time her and I went to Venture and the lights all turned off while we
were sitting in the cafe... and everyone in the store ALL AT ONE TIME said
OOOOHHHHHH, and when they came back on, said AAAAAHHHHH.... like it rehearsed!
lmao.


Another time, my grandma
and pap-pap came in and saw me in Venture with Trish. My grandma asked where my
parents were and I told her "home". She made me get in the car and took me right
back home saying I was too young to be there alone. And, when she left... I told
my dad, "I'm going back to meet up with Trish"... when I got there, Trish was
laughing and asked who let me come back... I told her, "my dad..... it's only 2
blocks away!"...
lol



One memory I'll
always love with Trish, is the night before our 8th grade Springfield, IL. trip.
We had to be there really early in the morning for the buses and I spent the
night at her house. We stayed up watching t.v  until 2 AM, and we finally got
tired and bored but we didn't want to go to sleep so we decided to get shaving
cream and put it on her brothers head. We went back into the living room to
watch t.v. again. We forgot all about it until her brother got up to use the
bathroom and we started cracking up. He came out into the living room to watch
t.v. with us and asked what we were laughing at, and told us... "you guys are
retarted"... lmao... he scratched his head and saw all the shaving cream all
over his hands, and woke up their father. He came out, yelled at us, told us how
immature and lame that was... and when her brother cleaned up and went back to
bed, her dad laughed, and told us, "Next time, if you're gonna do that...do it
right at least... put some on his hand and tickle his nose!"... LMAO... we
started cracking up! 


Another
one that makes me laugh, is the time in 8th grade when we saw Joey (yes, the
same annoying Joey from 2nd grade) dressed up for 8th grade pictures. We were
joking around saying he'd probably be in some dirty jeans with holes in them, a
stained T shirt and his hair all messed up as usual... but when we  saw him...
our mouths dropped open and we had NOTHING to say... he had on black slack
pants, nice shiny black shoes... a nice white dress shirt and a tie!  He looked
good that day.. his hair was slicked back...and we couldn't believe it.. but I
laugh at the looks on our faces because he shut us up that day! LOL...




And, of course -
I'll never forget the time we went to her aunts house with her family... and we
were in the living room..while her mom and aunts talked in the kitchen, and her
dad was in one of her aunts bedrooms watching t.v.  The phone in the living room
rang, she answered it, and there was nobody talking, but she heard breathing. It
happened a few times, and we were getting freaked out. Her aunts even told us
not to answer the phone anymore, but Trish wanted to find out who it was... when
she answered after a few times, she said some guy with a raspy voice said he
knew where we were and he was coming to get us...and hung up. After a few more
weird phone calls, or the guy just breathing , or saying the weirdest stuff...
he'd hang up and Trish would run to the kitchen to tell her aunts and mom what
the guy said this time, or the last time, etc. They were talking about calling
the cops if it continued.. and Trish and I had to laugh when we walked past her
aunts room on our way back to the living room,and we heard the phone in the
living room ring, and saw her dad hang up the phone in the bedroom...and then
the ringing in the living room stopped. Trish laughed and asked if HE was the
one making the calls. Her dad tried NOT to laugh but asked what she was talking
about!  LMAO... good
times!!!


Another time that
cracks me up still that we shared together - is when the Chicago BULLs won the
championships, and Chicago was going crazy...fireworks, people yelling and
screaming , cars beeping, all of it... Trish, me, our brothers, her sister and a
few neighbor teens were outside screaming and making noise at passing cars that
beeped at us and cheered... Trish's mom looked out the window and told us to
come inside... when we got in there.. she said we had to stay in because we were
making too much noise. Trish's brother told her, "SO IS THE REST OF
CHICAGO!".... we started laughing sssoooo hard. She looked at us and told us,
"Don't encourage him!"... lmao.. but she did let us go back outside as long as
we toned it down a bit. :)


And - even as
we became adults... Trish and I still had so many great and funny memories
together....

We were walking back to her
parents house one time from a store we went to and a group of idiots in a car
tried getting our numbers. We lied and told them we didn't even live around
there...we live around Jefferson park... they wanted us to go chill at some
house around the area we were at... so, when they passed by Trish's parents
house a few hours later and saw us sitting on the porch, one of the guys stuck
his head out the window and said, "Oh yeah, Jefferson park huh?".... lol.



Trish had this annoying
little shit living next door to her parents house a few years back. Everytime we
were outside.. he'd always come bother us, or get sarcastic ...talk shit to us
and thought he was funny..lol.. well, there was one day he said something about
how her and I probably meet guys in chat rooms or something... we looked at each
other and got sarcastic with him... I asked him "Chat? What's that?"... Trish
started laughing and asked him, "What's this chat you speak of?".... he looked
so confused really believing we had never heard of chat rooms!  Lmao....



And, recently... her and I met up for
lunch and decided to take it back to her place... as we were eating and watching
Maury, we were laughing and joking so hard about the idiots who cheat on their
women, go there and take lie detector tests or go in the green room and kiss and
flirt with these sexy decoys like they've never seen the Maury show before... !
lmao... seriously.... who hasn't??? So, they know what they're doing!  No girl
is going to be put into a green room with you and really be interested... you've
seen the show before dudes...come on... nothing has changed! lol... we thought
it was hilirious how these guys come on the show and think they'll be different
and maybe the sexy decoy is really a woman waiting to be on the show...smh! 
Trish and I had a great time making fun of them and men we know as well.. LOL.




  So, as I
watched Joey and Chandler recall their funny and good memories together... it
made me think of ours... and this isn't all of them.. I'd be here all night if I
wrote about all of them.. but these are a few of the funniest over the years...
we have tons more... so, I'd love to keep my friendship with Trish. It's been
too damn long with too many memories - good and bad - and we always made it thru
the bad... One thing Joey (our 2nd grade pest) always did... was find a way to
make her and I talk again if we weren't speaking to each other over the years...
and I recently decided to take the first step and email her.. and I told her
just that.. If Joey was right and he knew we weren't talking right now, he'd do
something to fix that. Sadly, Joey is in Texas and we no longer talk to him...
so , we have to fix this on our own. I emaild her on FB, and told her I was
going to send her a 15 page letter that I wrote by hand... which I really did,
but after it became 17 pages and I still had so much more to say... I decided
just this time... that a personal email would work best, so she gave me her
personal email address,and I'll be doing that tonight! : )  I'm happy that I got
that off my chest and now it's time to open my thoughts, mind and heart to her
and she said she has a lot she'd like to say to me too - so hopefully, this is
either going to be a new beginning, a fresh start to a beautiful friendship that
was always good, but can be even better - or... it's going to be the final
good-bye... but I hope for the first. Her and I have a lot of history and that's
not something I'd like to walk away from and pretend I never knew her. I just
can't do that.  My friendships mean so much more to me and if I can save them, I
will.... I'll be emailing her tonight. 

It's true what the saying says...
"It's great when 2 strangers become the best of friends, 
but so sad when the best of friends become like strangers!"..... oy!
 

(Just an update on this so I don't have to write a whole new post.... we're friends again.. we both admitted to our mistakes over the years, we both admitted we're stubborn, LOL... and we need to both work on this friendship for it to work! )  :)
NOW, IF only I could get Melissa and Trish to talk again. smh.... we're like a bunch of high school girls when it comes to this shit. LMAO...
this is crap my teen daughter should be going through, not me!

Peace and Love,
Shel.

I was sitting here thinking about my kids and how I have gotten to be a
professional at hair dying because of the gray hairs that have popped in since
having them! Lmao...
Seriously tho... I love my kids dearly and
I mean it when I say even though I'm their strength when they really need it,
need a protector, guidance, someone to help with homework, etc... I do all of
that... and clean their messes... but in reality, they're my strength and they
don't even know it.  I've had some of the best times with my children and can
now look back and shake my head - but also wonder how the hell I made it through
some of them without screaming as a mother. My kids have def. kept me on my
feet, and I've had to stay one step ahead of them at all times but one thing I
am proud of - is that my kids - despite some minor trouble here and there - have
not been in any MAJOR trouble as of yet..thankfully!  I think the things they
have done have been lessons learned, and I think I've handled them all pretty
well... each gray hair I may have tells a different story as to why I have it
there... LOL... and may I say that as I was sitting here thinking about
everything when it comes to my kids... I've def. had a few laughs, a few very
PISSED OFF moments, and a few YOU'RE GROUNDED'S more than I can count. One thing
I love is that my oldest daughter once told one of her friends, "My mom finds
out EVERYTHING", and she was sure the hell right. I do... !  I told my kids they
never know where I'll be... when I'll be watching them and they don't even know
it... etc. so they need to always do what's right and make the right
decisions... however... there have been some moments when as a mother - I've had
to take charge and one thing I love about myself as a mother... is that they
DON'T get away with much... I DO usually always find out things even when I
trick them into telling me things.. lmao... and that... besides the cleaning
their messes, helping with homework and such.... even when they get into their
own messes... and I need to be tough and firm... I have a lot of fun being their
mother... gray hairs and all... I'm not sure if I want to look back at some of
my adventures with them as their mother and laugh now that it's the past... or
scream!!! Either way..... I always know when something isn't right and because
of how I was when I was a teenager and their ages... I know what to look for,
when they're lying, and when something is off about something...



  Like the time Frankie came
home and I asked him what happened in school that day. He said nothing and asked
what I meant. I told him, "you tell me...your teacher called me!"... his teacher
DID NOT call me at all - but he replied with a smile and said, "Ohhhh , man
because me and a few of my friends were talking while she was talking and we
weren't paying attention so we all got in trouble!".... I laughed and told him,
'Oh really? Because you just busted yourself out...your teacher never called!
SO, that's all I have to do to get truth out of you?".... he laughed. His older
sister laughed and told him how stupid he was! LMAO...


Another time, I got a call from his teacher
for real saying him and his friends were making spitball guns out of pens and
she made him and his friends throw them away... and....Frankie had all the
spitballs on him! smh.... BOYS , I TELL YA!!!!



   Like the time Frankie
recently came home with Tiffie and they had food from a fast food place by our
house. I asked how they got money to get the food and Tiffie said she didn't
know..Frankie had $7.  I asked how and he said he sold some little flashlight
toys he had. I know him and his friends are always trading toys and selling each
other stuff for a few bucks here and there so I didn't think anything of it at
first. I didn't remember seeing Frankie with any flashlights and I know all his
toys... but again, like I said.. if he traded it at school for something and
then sold the flashlights without bringing them home - that would explain it.
But then... Frankie had also gotten out late from school that day and I asked
why. He said because his teacher didn't let the class leave on time since
someone stole money from one of the other kids and the teacher asked everyone to
empty their pockets. Me as a mother - me as a bratty ass teenager when I was his
age and up... something didn't sit well with his little story at all and I knew
right away something wasn't right .... someone stole money from a kid in his
class, and he suddenly had money to eat and feed his older sister... I asked
Frankie if HE took the kids money..He gave me a funny look and said NO. I kept
it in the back of my mind because I didn't believe him and I did think he was
involved some how. As people say ...MAMA KNOWS CHILD! Lmao... I couldn't accuse
him of anything tho without knowing so I just made sure to remember his story
about the flashlights just incase... the next day.... I get a call from his
teacher, Ms. Rivera. She said she was calling with some bad news and my heart
sank and my blood pressure went up right away because I had a feeling it was for
the money.  I'm not stupid and my kids know I catch on to stuff quick.. well,
she had told me that a few kids came up to her and said that Frankie had asked
another boy Eric to steal the money but he didn't want to... so a boy named Ivan
stole it and gave it to Eric - who then gave it to Frankie after school...and
Frankie treated his sister and himself to fast food after.  I was sssoooo mad
because Frankie does NOT have to steal money to eat, so he couldn't use that as
an excuse.  I cook - I bake - I made a big meal that day. I remember so he was
coming home to dinner.... he doesn't starve... !  She then said that when she
confronted Frankie, he had the balls to bring his sister in it and said she
spent the money... (yes,the teacher actually said "had the balls"... ) LOl.. so,
I was embarassed and my blood boiled because as I said, I had the feeling
Frankie took the money or had some involvement in it.  I volunteer for
everything in that school. School events, field trips, etc. so the staff know
me, and Frankie's dad went to and graduated from that school so they know him as
well.   When we met with the teacher ..I told her to do what she has to do and
if that meant calling the Police , so be it! Of course, I knew the school
wouldn't take it THAT FAR but it sure scared the hell out of Frankie!  That was
all I wanted to do.  So, the next day...they had no school because of report
card pick up, and I told Frankie the Police would most likely be there and if
they decided to take him to Juvenile for "Theft", there was nothing I can do so
please don't cry and beg me to take him home or stop them. He was as the saying
goes, "Shitting bricks!"... lmao... I wanted him to be afraid -VERY AFRAID - so
he remembers the feeling of it and never does it again.  Well, it worked... he
was scared walking into that school.. and didn't know what to expect. Lucky for
him, I lied... and he learned his lesson.. his teacher wanted more consquences
but because the dean of students knows his dad and I... he decided to give
Frankie 3 days of detention with the other 2 boys who actually stole the money.
Frankie tells me, "But, I'm not the one who stole it"... I told him, "But they
stole it for you... and you spent it knowing it was stolen, which makes you just
as guilty as them!".... and he did his detention.  When we talked to the
Principal... the Principal took it pretty well and said , "Listen, I know both
of you are great parents, and you're both involved with your kids, so I trust
you guys to handle this in your own way at home, and if there's anything I can
do...I'll do it for you guys!".... part of me wanted to ask him to call the
Police and just see if they'll scare the crap out of Frankie, but.... part of me
felt like he did learn his lesson because of how scared he was and he hasn't
stolen anything since... ! 

And, then....
there was the time Tiffanie had me cracking up... my oldest thinks she's slick! 
So, one day... her and her friend Amy decide while in front of my apartment,
that they're going whisper and look at me and smile... I asked what was going on
and Amy asks if Tiffanie can go to her house. I said, "If I can call your mom to
make sure she'll be home and you guys will be IN the house!"... Amy and Tiffanie
decide to give each other this 

 
              
                 

"now what do we say?"... kind of look .... like they didn't expect me to want to
call Amy's mother and just be like, "Ok, go ahead!".... YEAH RIGHT...I'm MY
MOTHERS DAUGHTER...my mother use to come looking for my ass. My mother use to
want to know who, what, when ,where, why, how, time, place, date, numbers, etc.
etc. etc. .... I have turned into my mother!!!  LMAO.. that's exactly how I am
now... I'm strict.. I don't play !!! SO.... Amy tells me she doesn't know her
moms number by heart and asks if Tiffanie can walk with her to get it and bring
it back. I tell Amy, "Noooo... but you can walk and get it and bring it back and
when I talk to her, then Tiffanie can go to your house!"... again, the girls
look at each other and smile because whatever plan they had  - didn't work....
so Tiffanie tells me, "Her mom doesn't know she's over here... "... I asked Amy
if she was suppose to be. She said no, that her mom thinks she's walking her dog
around the block . I started laughing so hard because when I was a teenager, the
girl that lived next door to our old house and I use to use the excuse of waling
her dog Monet, and my family's dog RUSTY to the park...so we could meet up with
some friends we use to hang with as well... ...I don't think so girls!!!
LMAO....  I told Amy, "Oooohhh....I get it... you told your mom you were walking
your dog around the block... came here.....so you can get Tiffanie , tell me
you're going to your house... and while your mom thinks you're walking the dog,
and I think Tiffanie's by your house, you guys get to sneak to another friends
house! NO WAY!'..... Both girls started laughing. Tiffanie and Amy tried acting
innocent... NICE TRY GIRLS...BEEN THERE/DONE THAT...!!! LMAO.. one step ahead of
my kids at all times.  I use to do that when I was their ages. My friends and I
use to say we were going here and there and end up somewhere else... or by
someone elses house.. needless to say, I told the girls they could either both
stay in the back yard... or say Good-bye to each other and see each other in
school.   They decided to stay in our yard... gee...I wonder why ! LOL...



One thing that drives me nuts
- is the new hobby that my kids have picked up. For some reason, they have taken
up throwing rocks, sticks, or whatever they could find up on power lines and
trying to get shoes down that have been thrown up there. I have explained the
dangers of this and they don't do it anymore... but - recently (about a month or
so ago when they still did it).... my ex husband (their dad) called me and told
me that the 2 oldest kids were "missing".  I asked what he meant by "missing",
and he said that they were suppose to be in the alley getting some Jordans off
the power line or something..and that they were playing by his moms house and
now they're not in front , or in the alley. I got extremely pissed off because
when they're over there... they seem to try to be slick... so, I dropped my
youngest off at his moms, and went looking for my 2 oldest.  I always know where
they are and they're always in front of their grandmas playing with the kids
since we have no kids on our block... but this one day that they were supposedly
getting the Jordans.... and then nobody from my ex -husbands family could find
them... as I said - I went looking. I already knew to look by the school.  They
are NOT allowed to be by the school without an adult because there's gang
bangers who hang out over there, and they have been told this plenty of times!!!
  So ,  I go past the school, turn the corner...and there's my kids. Walking like
nothing..like they have no care in the world... with 2 other people.  I couldn't
see who from the distance.  I decided instead of calling their names... to sneak
up on them.  Frankie turned around a few times and I thought for sure he'd see
me, but I ducked and dodged behind cards and trees! LMAO... (learned that trying
to hide from my own mother when I was a teenager). LOL... any way... the kids
turned the corner on the other side of the school so it gave me time to run up
the block, turn the corner and get right behind them.  Frankie turned around and
saw me right away. I told him to be quiet... and keep walking because I knew
that his sister was the ring leader !!!  I got RIGHT ON HER ASS and said - RIGHT
IN HER EAR... "HIIIII...HOW'S YOUR DAY GOING?'.... This girl jumped SKY HIGH!
LMFAO!!! Her team mates in basketball call her LADY JORDAN because of how good
she plays ball, but if you could have seen how high she jumped when she heard my
voice behind her the day they snuck to the school... THAT WAS a JORDAN JUMP!
LMAO... she looked so nervous and didn't know what to say... all she could
mumble was, "Fine, how's yours?"... lmao.. I told her how GROUNDED she was and
Frankie as well.  He tried telling me he didn't do anything, and that Tiffanie
dragged him with. I told him he has a mind of his own, and if he didn't want to
come with , he could have went back to the grandmas and told her Tiffanie is
going to the park.. . I laughed because Tiffanie asked me, "How do you do it?"..
I asked what? and she said... "Always know where to find us?"... I told her,
"Honey... I'm a mother.. we're like blood hounds... we SSSSMMMEEEELLLLL our
puppies from miles away!"... LOL...


There
was another day when she snuck off and thought just because I wasn't home, I
wouldn't find her, or she could be back before I got home...idk... but ex hubby
told me she wasn't home and I went to her friend Amy's when he told me she was
with her.  I got about a block away when I saw Amy and Tiffanie walking out of
Amy's house.  Tiffanie isn't allowed by Amy's because
1... it's
on a busy street where cars fly and anything can happen...
and
2... gang bangers pass by back and forth..and gang bangers hang out in front of
Amy's house...
so, when I saw Tiffanie and her come out... I
screamed Tiffanie's name a good 3 times before she finally turned around and she
was walking the other way instead of twords home... I told her, "GET OVER HERE ,
RIGHT NOW!!"...and she knew how mad I was so smiled at Amy and said Bye right
away.   When she got close to me, I told her how lucky she is that I found her
because if she snuck off one more time, I was calling the Police next time...and
I really meant that!!!!  I grounded her and she didn't like it...

But,.... as far as those 2 times... that's the last time she
ever tried sneaking away with friends..




Something
that makes me laugh and makes me proud at the same time... is when ex hubby and
I gave our oldest kids money from our taxes for them to spend on themselves any
way they wanted to.  They each had $150.  Oldest daughter wanted to go to the
mall...and she got herself a few snapback hats, a shirt, and a few other things,
but saved money because she wanted a real pair of Jordans.  When I took her to
North Riverside Mall for her Jordans... we walked up and down the mall... ALL
OVER...upstairs, downstairs, back and forth because if you haven't been to North
Riverside mall... they have at least 10 different shoe stores... it's crazy! 
So... every shoe store we went to was expensive and she only had $65 left. She
had brought a pair of Adidas with her $150, returned the Adidas - got the money
back and was looking for Jordans. Finally, it was getting late... she wanted to
go see a movie too - and I was treating her to it... so , I told her, "Listen,
just pick a pair of shoes from this store because we're not going to another
one...I'm tired and it's late!".... she found  a pair of Jordans for $80. I
figured, "What the hell..I only have to put in a few extra bucks of my own
money, go ahead!".... so , she gets the shoes, and it came out to $95... with
tax... seriously.....that much money in taxes for shoes?????? But, I got them
for her and put in my money with her $65... I made her agree to something tho...
she had a little job taking out the garbage for the lady upstairs for $4 a
week... I told her she either needs to save up the $4 every week and give me
back the money I put in for her shoes... OR.... she needs to bring the C she has
in math up to a B... wouldn't cha know it... she sure the hell did bring that C
up to a B... so I didn't make her pay me back! LOL... kid really works her ass
off when it comes to money! LMAO....



Another moment with my oldest
kids....is a FACEBOOK CLASSIC I call it... My oldest kids have Facebook.  I
never wanted them to have it, but their friends all have it, and also...their
little cousins have it for family and close friends, so I figured no harm as
long as I have their passwords, and check their Facebooks often... which I do. I
mostly admit to checking Tiffanie's Facebook more than Frankie's because she's
almost a teenager and has tons more friends on her page, and talks to more
people. I constantly monitor her account and her life as much as I can.  So -
Frankie one day a few months ago asked, "Are you going to check my Facebook?"...
I didn't get why he was asking, and decided, "Yes...I am!"... and that day...I
did check his Facebook, and seen something I did NOT like.   As a mother, my
blood BOILED!!!  I   I noticed an email to my son from this boy Silver.  Silver
was telling my son to tell Tiffanie he loves her. HE LOVES HER????  MY DAUGHTER
IS 12!  I flipped! I looked on this kid Silver's profile and saw that he was "IN
A RELATIONSHIP", said something on his last status about HIS GIRL... and , had
some disturbing photos... plus - 2 of my daughter by herself.. and one of him
kissing my daughter on the cheek and her smiling. I lost it !!!!!  I decided to
find out more about him and asked my son who he was. My son told me ALL about
him, and then told me that him and Tiffanie were dating. Me????  I was
like
   
   

Yesterday was my Grandmothers (R.I.P.) birthday as I mentioned below. She would
have been 86.  I have been staying at my parents house with my kids for a few
days to relax my mind and get out of my place, so I decided to take my son
Frankie and my youngest daughter Lani and go to the store. I had a lot of bad
news yesterday and didn't want to be inside, and I felt like doing something
fun....
We ended up getting 3 pizzas from the store, some pop,
ice cream, and a few other things, along with trying to figure out what to get
for dessert. We ended up by the bakery section and saw all the birthday cakes in
the freezers... and got one of those. My dads birthday is the 15th and I
probably won't be here for it, and since Yia Yia's was yesterday, I decided to
ask the bakery woman to write "Happy birthday Grandpa and Yia Yia", on the cake.
When she finished, she brought it around the counter to me and asked if she
could ask me a question. I told her "Sure", and she asked, "Why Grandpa and Yia
Yia and not Pappou".. Pappou is grandpa in Greek so I guess she thought the two
were together... I replied with, "How do I explain this one?"... and she
giggled. I told her the grandpa was my dad and my kids grandpa... and the Yia
Yia was actually my moms mom who passed away so no relations.. and she
understood - I hope! LOL... I tried my best to explain it to her any way.

So....
we got the cake, the pizza, the pop and
ice cream... and came back... we all sat outside and ate, had a good time.. my
youngest went swimming in the back yard pool, and after dinner, my sister in law
and I took the cake outside to my dad.
Now... here's the weird
part......

She had lit the candles in the hallway
before we took the cake outside. I told her the wind was going to blow them out
and suggested she did it outside but she did it any way indoors... when she got
outside, sure enough - the wind blew the candles out. My mother noticed the cake
had her moms name from my brother and I on it also, and she had tears in her
eyes.. said , "Happy birthday mom", and blew a kiss to the sky... My sister in
law took the cake to my dad and lit them again. They stayed lit and as soon as
we sang HAPPY BIRTHDAY to him .... the candles went out. ALL OF THEM at one
time... so my sister in law was going to lit them again but a few seconds before
she could, they ALL came back on at the same time after going out. And no..they
were NOT trick candles. We thought it was weird but didn't think much of
it...and then, my brother behind me said, "Well, Yia Yia blew out her candles
and then lit them again for dad".... I didn't even think of it that way, but you
never know.. I totally believe in spirits around us, and it could def. have been
that she was here with us today and blew out the candles on the cake that had
her name on it as well..

    

After we cleaned up and came in the house, my brother and sister in law took the
kids to the store to get a few things, and I was talking to my mother about the
candles going out as soon as we finished singing HAPPY BIRTHDAY, and then coming
back on all at once without having to be lit again... and dad able to blow them
out.  I told my mother what my brother said, and she started crying so hard. I
felt bad... she didn't even think of it that way and when I mentioned it, she
freaked out and said it WAS weird how they didn't go off until after we finished
singing and then came back on before my sister in law could lit them again - all
at one time as well... so, as of right now, we'd like to think Yia Yia was with
us, blew out her candles, and then re-lit them for my dad to do it as well. I
don't care how silly, or wild it sounds.... it's a nice thought.... !  and a
damn good explanation for what happened with the candles... !  :)    and

My yia yia was awesome!  Def. number 1  !!!

  
Today is her birthday and I was going to talk about me losing her, how it went,
how we found out she had cancer and how fast it took her - but I decided to keep
it light ... positive and happy today instead of tears, and re-calling losing
her. I want to celebrate her life and not remember her death. Those who don't
know, I am Greek - and "Yia Yia" is GRANDMA in Greek - which is what my brother
and I use to call her.  She was like a 2nd mother to us and raised us pretty
much while our parents worked all the time.  She lived downstairs from us when
we were little, and it was easy for my parents to drop my brother and I off
downstairs and go to work. Yia Yia was great with us.. tough and didn't take no
shit  - but very loving, sweet, kind and a great person. I have a lot of good
memories of her, and that's what I want to share today.


   When I was younger... and Yia Yia use to
get me ready for school, she always wanted my hair perfect!  I mean PERFECT !!! 
She would take it down and put it up again and again if it wasn't. It had to be
in a neat Pony tail way on top of my head and if some was sticking out, she had
to do it again and again. I use to get irritated and she fought with me and told
me to hold on.  But, she always made it nice. I remember the yellow and black
brush she always used on me. LOL....

I also
remember my grandpa walking us to school and waiting for us after school, but
when he couldn't do it anymore... Yia Yia hired an 8th grader to bring me home,
and another to bring my brother home daily.. she paid the girls on Fridays every
week. I'm not sure how much they got but they got paid well. On the last day of
school when I was in 3rd grade I believe... Melinda - the girl Yia Yia paid to
walk me home , told me to walk home by myself because she was going home with
her friends. I told her I couldn't, and she told me I would be fine. She went
the other way, and I walked home alone. Yia Yia was waiting on the porch for me,
and saw me alone.  I ended up falling in the middle of the street and almost got
hit by a car - but was lucky enough to have the car going slow enough to stop.
Thankfully !!!  I cried thinking I'd get in trouble but she told me to go inside
while she waited for Melinda .   Melinda came by a while later and was waiting
for her money .  Yia Yia screamed at her and refused to pay her!  She was sent
on her way with no money.... Yia Yia then said it was okay for me to walk home
with friends but never again alone...and she'd always be outside waiting when I
did . 


   Another time, I was
trusted to go by my best friends house on the next block with my bike as long as
I didn't ride on to Leclaire which was the busy street where cars fly by. My
best friend lived on a dead end so riding my bike there was fine. My best
friend, her brother and sister, and a few of our friends rode onto the busy
street and back, so I figured if I did it, Yia Yia would never know.
Ppppfffttt... lmao!  I was sooo wrong... I did it once and heard Yia Yia
screaming, "GET YOUR LITTLE ASS HOME NOW AND PUT YOUR BIKE AWAY...YOU'RE
GROUNDED!!!"...... her and Papa (my grandpa) brought their lawn chairs to the
corner to check out the "scenery"... or spy on me...I never figured it out!
LMAO... bringing your lawn chairs to the corner to check out the scenery ? Who
does that?!!! LOL...

    One thing my mother
use to HATE as I got older and had kids of my own - is when my Yia Yia and I use
to joke around in dirty ways. I'd tell her to get to the corner I put her on and
make my money, and Yia Yia would joke back that she wasn't going no where until
I put her on the other side because she wasn't making money on the side I had
her on.  LMAO... my mother use to tell us the way we joked sounded so wrong and
told us both not to talk like that. Hey... I think if you can joke with your
grandma like that - you've been blessed! LMAO...



    When we were younger,
and brought home paddles... (those things with the small balls attached that
kids play with) lmao... yia yia would cut off the balls and save the paddles on
the shelf she had incase we were bad, and if we acted up, talked back, etc. we
took a paddle to the ass! LMAO... and back then... it was called DISCIPLINE -
NOT CHILD ABUSE!!! LOL... and look, we turned out okay!  :) LOL...



   There was one time when I
was about 12 or so... that I said something to her to piss her off or did
something, and she chased me up the stairs and I had the top bunk bed so I got
on it, went way to the corner and told her she couldn't catch me! LMAO... she
told me I had to come downstairs sometime and she'd be waiting. Well, I went
down stairs thinking she had cooled off, and WACK....got smacked! LOL... she
didn't play!!!! She was tough and you were NOT going to get away with things
when she was around.

   One memory that STILL
cracks me up and makes me laugh when I think about it... is when I was in high
school and had a friend named Joey over. He and I had been friends since
Kindgergarten and he was such a funny kid.... on this one summer day, all my
family was sitting outside and my grandmother pulled Money out of her house robe
, pretended to whisper to Joey, and showed him the money nodding her head tword
the house door like telling him to go inside with her! LMAO... Yes, she was JUST
KIDDING!!! But, the look on his face was priceless and she told him , "Listen,
there's a lot of snow on the roof... but a lot of fire in the fireplace...come
on!"... he told her, "Pppfftt... well your fire place ain't getting none of my
wood!".... LMAO!    Good times....



    When I started puking my
guts out every morning, and thought I had the flu in 1999... Yia Yia looked at
me, and told me I was pregnant. I told her I had the flu.. she told me, "Oh, I
don't believe that, you're pregnant!"... and she was right! LMAO... I didn't
even know I was pregnant. I really thought I had the flu... but she insisted and
it was confirmed.. after... she told me, "I told you so!"... LOL.


   When I had my oldest daughter , I lived upstairs with
her and one thing Yia Yia would do every morning is call me and ask me to bring
the baby down so she can see her. I would and while Yia Yia was holding her,
she'd look at me and tell me I could go back upstairs! LOL... Yia Yia loved
holding her and watching her while I cleaned upstairs, did laundry, or whatever
I was doing...and when she fell asleep in Yia Yia's arms, she'd call me to come
get her. : )


    Yia Yia also
paid for our first apartment when my ex husband , my oldest daughter as a baby,
and I moved out of my parents place .   We were supposed to pay her back. That
was the agreement. But, when we tried, she didn't want the money back and told
us to save it or buy the baby some stuff .  We paid her half back and used some
on the baby.

   And, when she got older and
was un-able to walk as good ... got sicker, etc. she still didn't let it hold
her back . We had gone out to my Aunt and Uncles in Fox Lake one day for a BBQ
and fun... and , she said she was going for a swim in the lake. The dock is
rocky and shakes so we were all nervous. My mother couldn't watch as my
grand-mother climbed in and she had everyone on edge thinking it was a bad
idea... but, she did it to prove a point that she could still do things she once
did, and to show off in front of this man she sort of had a crush on! LMAO... it
was cute... and I admit.. even until her last breath, she still fought with
every ounce of her to make her life full. God blessed that woman! 


    One thing I do remember at the end of her
life, is that the grief therapist told us if she starts seeing things that we
don't see - or people... she's near the end of her life, and if we hear her
talking about seeing people, she really is.... I believe in spirits and all -
but I didn't really know if this whole "seeing things or people we can't see"
was real at the end of someones life... however... my ex and I had gone to see
her a few days before she passed, and she was in and out of acoma. She looked at
me that day and told me she saw what sounded like "Ju" and she couldn't choke
out the rest so I felt like she was going to say she saw "Jesus", but didn't
want to tell anyone about it, so I asked my ex not to as well.. he was with me
and when I tried waking her up again to try to get a name out of her... she went
back to sleep and we left.  I had gone again to see her the next day, and my
mother was standing outside her room crying. I asked what happened, and she said
"Candy", the sweet nurse who adored my grandmother while she was in hospice care
(end of her life care) , was walking past her room and heard her talking to a
"Joey"... and asking why he was so far away... telling him to come closer. 
Candy thought someone was in there with her, but when she looked, there was
nobody and my grandmother was sleeping . My mother felt like it was Joey (my
grandmothers great Nephew I believe he was who was like a son to her), that was
coming for her.  That explained that J name she tried to choke out with me. 
Joey died many many years ago.....
Any way   .... I still
wasn't sure until one day, we were in the room, and told her we'd be back
because we were going to eat... she looked next to my mother and asked "whose
that?"... we all freaked out. My mother tried to convince her there was nobody
next to her... but Yia Yia argued there was.... after that, I was sure the whole
spirits and seein things at the end of someones life was real.... is real....
idk...

   But....through-out her life... Yia
Yia was always so strong. From open heart surgery, to Cancer she beat, to all
the things she's done, seen and been through... I miss that woman and I know
there's tons of other memories that are not popping into my mind right now that
I'll update on later if I think of more... but , I have always loved her dearly,
like a 2nd mother... and she was an amazing, funny, sweet, kind, tough woman !  
So today....


I celebrate her life by
remembering her accomplishments, and our good times together.... and say HAPPY
BIRTHDAY Yia Yia... you loved to dance and I'm sure that's exactly what you're
doing up there... and who knows... maybe Uncle Tony (who use to DJ) is Dj-ing
your party rrriiigghhhtt now!  :) At least... I'd like to think so because it
makes me smile!




   Until
next time,
Shel.

Is exactly how I've felt about the last few weeks.

   July 2nd... everything with mine and my ex-husbands court stuff and child Visitation / Joint Custody hearing and such.. were finalized.

We went to court at 12 PM like we were scheduled by the Domestic Relations
division, and told what paperwork we were suppose to bring. We got to court on
time, sat in the court room waiting for another case to be finished, and the
judge asked who we were. When we told her, she said we were't on the schedule
until 2 PM. Looking at the time ,  I knew we were NOT going to be out of there
any time soon... but when the judge said she would take our case right then and
there just to get us out of there and be polite, we were thrilled .   It was
nice of her because she didn't have to do that for us.  However, when she
checked our paperwork, we were missing a few things , so ... she told the Court
room sheriff and the court room reporter to let her know when we were ready. The
reporter and sheriff gave us the extra papers we were missing, helped us fill
them out... and we were told to give them to the court room clerk... now this
woman - had the worst attitude and you could tell she didn't want to be there,
nor deal with us! She didn't help us find anything, I had a stack of paperwork
and she wasn't telling me what she needed except , "page this and it should look
like that", and when I couldn't find it, I tried handing her the stack ... she
gave me a dirty look and told me, "I ain't trying to look thru all that"... no
smile or nothing.  Everyone at the court house was pretty nice except this clerk
.  When we were finally ready, the judge was brought back out. Cisco (ex hubby)
was nervous because it was a female judge , but we were told she was really
sweet and would help us out if she could .  (very true... she was a doll...) an
older white woman with blondish/graying hair...and just so gentle and kind. 


  When she came back out and we were sworn in,
she went through the paperwork, asked about our kids, and asked where our
Custody arrangement papers were.  I never got anything like that and told her I
didn't , so she gave us the packet of paperwork we had to fill out and told us
that's the most important thing because what she's worried about, is the kids. 
She told us she would see us back at 2 PM... Ahhhhhh !!!! LOL... the court
reporter walked out with us and explained to us better how to fill it out and
just to do the best we can coming up with what days we each want the kids and
what's going to work out best for us and them. She told us the judge pretty much
will go along with anything we come up with as long as the court knows the kids
are taken care of 7 days a week and will be okay.
So, Cisco and
I sat in the waiting area with the tables and came up with a plan together. He
decided he could take the kids on Sundays and Mondays since he's off... and was
trying to come up with another day. He's sometimes off on Fridays, but wants a
day for himself to go out and have fun -  and he deserves it so I was fine with
that.  So - he decided since he's off on Tuesdays, he'd just have the kids 3
days in a row - and I'd have them the other 4.  The judge said the back pages
were for holiday custody - but if we didn't want to do that, and just figure
that out between us when holidays came (because plans can change)... that was
fine so we left that blank .    However, I kind of wish we did the holiday one
as well.... I'll get into that in a few.

   
At 2 PM, we went back into the court room, and was told to give the custody
agreement to the clerk. This "not so nice" woman gave us an attitude and tells
me I need 3 copies of the custody agreement and need to go downstairs to make
those copies . She had an attitude about it as well like we were suppose to know
already.  When she walked out, Cisco asked the reporter, "Is she always like
this? She has a bad attitude... she could be a little nicer... she doesn't have
to be like that or talk to us like that".... I looked at Cisco with
this

Look .... and said, "Cisco, this is NOT the place you want to use your FREEDOM
OF SPEECH! ".... the reporter laughed, agreed with me and told him, "In court,
you just kind of have to shut up and suck it up... she's always like that tho,
don't feel bad. She's like that with me and I work with her".  
So - we did
the copies, the judge came back out at 2 PM , agreed with the arrangement we
came up with, and awarded main custody to me - and he has the kids 3 days a
week. Now, the whole holiday thing.... smh!  I think this is where were going to
have issues. This is why I wish we would have done the holiday agreement now.


   4th of July this year - I wanted the kids. 
I was probably going to go to my Uncles house with my parents and the kids... OR
.... just hang out and watch the fireworks, fill up the pool in the back, make
sandwhiches and wait for the fireworks. That didn't happen bcause there was a
block party going on at his moms house and the kids wanted to go to it. I agreed
they could go half the day and spend it with him since he was going there as
well - as long as he brought them back early enough for me to spend time with
them. He left at 5:30 and told me he'd be back in ONE HOUR... one hour turned
into TWO and THREE... and when I called him around 8:30 to find out where he was
because it was getting dark and late and I wanted to be with the kids for the
fireworks... he got upset, told me shut the f*** up (nice, right)?  - sarcasm -
and that he'll be there. When I told him he had 10 minutes to get the kids
home... he ignored me, and I decided he was NOT going to bring them ... he told
me they were having too much fun and he wasn't taking them away from it, and
that they'll have fireworks there.   I pretty much knew he was being an ass
tword me , doing it out of spite - and didn't let him get to me as far as he
could see.  Don't get me wrong... at home.... I was in tears.... I wanted to see
my kids faces light up watching the fireworks with them, but I wouldn't let him
know that HE upset me.  I got ready and spent the night with a friend
celebrating the 4th.

     This past Saturday
was MY day with the kids.  I decided I was going to either take them to the
park, or to the pond. I wasn't sure.  But, I knew I was going to get them out of
the house to do something. He comes and tells me Friday night the kids and him
are going to his aunt and uncles house to go swimming in their pool Saturday.  I
told him, "No, you're not! It's my day and I'd like to spend it with them!"....
he got pissed off and told me I knew about it. I didn't know about it. What he
said on the 4th of July was that his uncle invited him and the kids to the pool
but he wasn't going. I thought he meant on the 4th... not Saturday. He never
made it clear and HE SAID HE WASN'T GOING!!!!!  So not only did I know it was
Saturday, I didn't know he was even going.
He sprung it on me
Friday night as I said. The 2 oldest were fine with not going. I told them they
weren't and couldn't because it was MY DAY, and we'd do something. They didn't
even argue. HE argued with me... so, Saturday morning, it was pretty hot out, so
I decided , "Let them go!".... I knew if we went somewhere, they'd complain
about being hot and hungry, so if they could swim and eat some good Puerto Rican
food... whatever... !  I was nice about it.... I let them go. We seemed pretty
civil after that.... but.....

I'm not going
into details... the civil didn't last!  We got into a huge fight Saturday night
and from then on, I've always told him if he doesn't want to see me, that's
fine... he told me I'm the mother of his kids and he would never not want to see
me. As of right now, we're trying to be civil but it's not working... we can
never be on the same page at the same time so it's difficult.
I asked the
court for NO CHILD SUPPORT so they reserved it incase I ever DO need it. He kept
thinking I'd be a bitch and hit him with child support and I guess I showed him
I kept my word, huh? So, all I asked him for was peace!  I do NOT want BABY
DADDY drama... As I get older, I want PEACE and happiness. If we could get along
and talk only for the kids... I'm fine with that... but, he's the type to stir
up shit and loves to piss me off. I really do try to get along with him the best
I can, and have even told him I want us both to be happy and peaceful. We'll see
what happens with that. Hell, I think after NO CHILD SUPPORT... he should try
his hardest to be nice.

Not only that but the
judge said in IL. - child support is mandatory so he got lucky to have her be so
nice and not add it.
So - we wait for the final paper in the
mail saying it's offical... and I get to re-use my old last name/maiden name
again .... and it's over! 
I have the kids 4 days a week..from
Wed. to Sunday Morning... and he has them 3... and we'll hopefully eventually
get into this holiday thing peacefully. 

    In other news,
I have to take medication and have check up's every 6 months in order to drive
for a black out/Migraine/whatever thing they want to call it. Springfield then
has to get the paperwork that it's safe for me to drive, and approve it once my
Dr. signs it. For the last few months, I've been dragging taking my meds... but
I just got a re-fill and have been emptying the bottle pretty quick. I went for
the blood work today and will hopefully have my levels high enough to be
approved to drive again...and once my license is uncanceled - I can then re-new
it and get back on the road ... ugh! I miss driving and love it ssssoooo much.



  and, besides that....today
is my Uncle Tony's birthday... R.I.P. -  my oldest daughter called him BANANA
NOSE because of his big long nose... he loved my kids dearly... especially my
oldest when she was small because when he'd be on the floor eating a foot long
sub sandwhich and a big glass of pop, she'd lay right next to him and wait for
him to give her some. He'd look at us, smile and look at her saying, "what?
what? what do you want? would you look at this?? Is she waiting for some
thing?". LMAO.... he'd always share with her. The last night he saw her was on A
Sunday in 2004... and he was gone Monday. I thank God he got to see her one last
time ... but it's just sad because I know he would have loved to see them now as
well. I know he's probably one of their Guardian Angels, but it would have still
been nice to have him around.
As for me... I use to laugh when
he always had different women left and right. He was a big time player... I
remember one time he brought a woman to the house and I was on the porch. She
had gone to the car for something and he told me I have to respect her because
she was going to be my aunt... I laughed and told him, "Yeah okay...you'll have
another one in a few days!"... he told me, 'don't say that...' a few days
later... she was gone and he had another one! LMAO... he was good tho... he
didn't caught until the day of his wake when two main women he was always dating
and messing with showed up and found out about each other..LOL..

I miss the man tho.

He's
probably partying up there in the big blue and making everyone laugh like he did
down here on Earth....

    But hell, I think
for now... that's all I have going on...
Until next
time,

Peace and
Love,

Shel

            And, I must be one of his stronger ones.. lmao... 
   
   So, I've said this on my ABOUT ME PAGE..and I'll say it again -  since Xanga closed it's doors (the site I use to write on), did a fund raiser to keep their site open, and then made it a paying site - and very much complicated... I don't have the time to try to figure that out and when I found WEEBLY.... I fell in love. It's easy to use, it's fast, it's simple..and I really like the layouts and easy access to every-thing. So - this is where I'll be writing from now on.

    Now, when I say I must be on of God's stronger soldiers... I carry a lot of weight on my shoulders and I'm a hot mess right now.  I'm going through a lot, from being between jobs due to traveling issues, and medical problems, to relationship issues, and beyond.... I won't get into everything right now... because I just don't have the time or energy , but as I begin this...I look forward to the journey of taking you through the rest of my life ...good, bad, happy, sad, stressful, etc. I write for everything..celebrations, parties, I write about things my kids do or say , I write about other mommy things... I write about the struggles as a divorced woman who deals with her ex-husband as civil as possible.... I write about many things..random and such... !   I enjoy writing and it's like therapy to me..and A lot cheaper , too!  LOL...
I do believe my faith in God and the fact that I believe everything happens for his own reasons and good reasons at that... keeps me totally sane in this crazy life, and after years of up's and down's...I'm currently trying to get the up's back and work on me to be as successful as possible for my kids and I. 

I'm not going to lie and sit here and pretend everything is all good. I don't sugar coat anything and I'm as real as can be... I'm a hot mess right now, and with everything I'm going through...all the emotions I'm dealing with and current situations, I try my hardest to be a soldier - and to be strong knowing that if God's with me - nobody can be against me... and all I can do is pray and trust him for every-thing.

With that being said,
I'm divorced as I said... a mother of 3... trying to work 2 jobs and save money for a car, new apartment, City tickets and Christmas shopping... it's going to be a long next few months! LOL... but, If you notice through my writings in the future... I have a great sense of humor and can usually find the "funny" in any situation , good or bad! 

S0, save this site.... check back often... and I hope you enjoy reading my writings as much as I love writing them.

Peace and Love as I always say,
Shel.